I learn a lot just by listening and watching. Last week I watched a couple of kids in my neighborhood meet for the first time and then start playing with each other. Candidly, it brought up a few less-than-pleasant memories of when I was a young, shy, insecure kid trying to make friends with new kids when my family moved here over forty years ago.

Let’s face it, making friends can be a threatening experience. Will they accept me for who I am?  Who do I have to pretend to be and what things do I have to act as though I enjoy?  How do I start the conversation?  Will they trash me and dump me from their “friend bucket” like the last crowd did?  Yes, making friends can be intimidating, but in the Body of Christ we need to step out of our “comfortable aloneness” and try.  That’s it, just try.

So I’m watching these kids get acquainted, eating popsicles and walking down the sidewalk when one of them says to the other, “I’m the boss of all my friends…except you.” Well that certainly captured my attention. I carefully guarded my upward glance, spying out the other child’s response, when all I could catch was a muffled, “Well I have 213 friends!” From there, the sound trailed off while my brain perked up…and the wheels in my head started churning. I typed into my phone some thoughts about true friendship for reflection.

Is there both give and take in my friendships? When I was young, I had a friend that pretty much made all the decisions as to what we would do, where we would go and when we would do it. It wasn’t at all healthy, but I was so afraid of rejection and being alone, that I always gave in–even when wrong moral choices were involved. Desperate people make dumb choices. If someone is the “boss” in your relationship–then it’s probably not a “friendship”, but just an “arrangement.”. (This applies to marriages, also.)

Is my approach to relationships “humble”?  It’s essential that I not only resist being a doormat for the friendship-boss, but it’s also critical that I NOT become that relationship-ruler myself! I must remember…it’s not about me. Do I talk about myself a lot? That will drive people away faster than almost anything! Do I usually have to have my own way? If so, it is time to take a chill-pill and rediscover the wonder of humility.

You may recall a quote I shared a couple of Sundays ago. It came from Britain’s Queen Victoria following the death of her husband, when she was heard to exclaim, “I now have no one  left to call me ‘Victoria’”. Of course, the very ones retelling this quote were the ones that pro-forma required to always refer to her with a most appropriate royal appellation. Just imagine the loneliness of always being spoken to at “arm’s length”! General Davis said to his colonel, “It’s after 5 PM, Mike, you can call me Rick, now.” To which came the reply, “Yes sir, General Rick.”

There’s no doubt that within certain arenas in our world there are protocols for those in rank-designated positions and roles. But what makes for enduring relationships is humility in heart and the extension of grace to those around us. Nobody should be the boss of all their friends and nobody should be ruled in all their relationships.

This week we are beginning our Summer session of Journey Groups. These are gatherings of around 15 or so that meet together for spiritual growth and building new relationships. I want to encourage you to sign up and show up.  You can register here on the bellevuechristian.com website. Please don’t pass up this key connecting point in your walk with Christ!

Just out of curiosity, have any of you ever had a friendship where you were the boss or you were the servant? Did you ever get the relationship re-aligned?  How? Can you think of any Bible examples of this happening?

Pastor Gary Hoyt